There is a space that exists between the big moments of life. Not the dramatic beginnings or the meaningful endings, but the quiet, complex place in the middle. The necessary building chapters between the longer chapters of life. I’m not sure there’s a literary term for it, but I know it well right now because I’m living inside of it.

We decided to return to our roots, to family, to friendships, to a city we once called home. We are currently in this waiting phase, not quite there yet and not quite here anymore either. We also have a few months of back and forth between places. A literal in between. This in between has its own weight and its own unexpected beauty. And while the excitement is real, so is everything else. The restlessness. The waves of anxiety. The moments of complete peace followed quickly by the itch to just get there and start the new routine. It all comes in waves and I’m learning to let it. I’m trying to be present in it even when presence feels uncomfortable.

One thing I keep coming back to as I process all of this and try to be present is my word for this year which is bloom. I set that intention thinking about putting down deeper roots where we have landed, growing into the community even more, finding more balance, opening up. And in many ways that is exactly what has happened so far this year, but not in the ways I expected. I’m coming to realize that the bloom wasn’t really about a place. It was happening within me the whole time. As I write this I get this detailed imagery of petals falling, but I see more are budding. It brings a sense of peace coming to the realization that we are always blooming. That doesn’t stop just because the geography changes.

Leaving this place where we thoughtfully landed carries both grief and gratitude and I’m not trying to untangle the two. The community we found here made our business possible. The local support, the friendships, the people who walked through our doors and became part of our story. We have achieved so much here and I am grateful that we could give back along the way. I hope that the causes we supported and the space we created leave a lasting impression in the best way.

And the people here didn’t just support our business. They helped shape who I am. I have always cherished connections with people whether the connection is in passing or in a deep friendship. And over the last five years, I feel like I’ve made some of the greatest connections of my life. Because of these moments, these wonderful humans, I’m more confident, more grounded, more grateful. I still have so much to learn, but I can feel the growth in a way I couldn’t before. A dear friend said to me recently, “You never get to have all the people you love in one city, but that is beautiful too. You have people who love you all over the place.” I have carried that with me every day since she said it. It reframes the leaving as something expansive rather than just loss.

As we approach our move back the idea of returning feels different than I expected. When we lived in this city before I was more guarded, a little intimidated, still coming out of my shell. Now I’m going back as someone I recognize more fully. Someone more open. More ready. I’m genuinely excited to experience a familiar place through a completely new perspective.

This journey has also deepened something between my husband and me. We’ve grown individually during this chapter and that growth has made us stronger together. We’ve learned to listen more carefully, to offer support without needing to fix everything, to trust the callings that have guided us. Whatever it was that took us away and is now bringing us back, we’ve followed it together. And that means something truly special.

And through all of it, the uncertainty, the excitement, the back and forth, I keep thinking about a part of me that may be shifting. I have always been a creature of habit, which isn’t always a strength, but it has its purpose most of the time. Living in this in between space where the boxes are being packed, the routines are jumbled, and the first page of this new chapter is almost ready for the first stories isn’t easy. Some days it genuinely feels like losing your footing. And I’ve had to sit with the discomfort of that more than I’d like. But I’m also hopeful and excited because there is a lesson on being open to change here. A fresh start brings with it a real chance to build better routines. To find the work and life balance we’ve been reaching toward. To make the space to actually live in the life we’re building.

I am always searching for the lessons, even when they aren’t ready to be found. I can only see the outlines right now of most of them. Cliff notes of wisdom I haven’t fully read yet. I know they’re there. I know they have to do with relationships, with growth, with what it means to bloom not in a single place but continuously, as a person. The full lessons will come with time.

For now I’m just trying to stay aware. To feel it all, the grief, the gratitude, the restlessness, the excitement. To trust that being in the space between is not the same as being lost.

It never is.